If you don’t know Tom Lehrer, you should! He was an amazing musical parodist/comic — perhaps the finest who ever lived, although (IMHO) some of the modern crop (Bo Burnham, Bill Bailey, Tim Minchin) give him a run for the money. A good starting point is his famous 1967 concert in Copenhagen, available in full on YouTube.
Anyway, he released all his music — recordings, sheet music, everything — into the public domain in 2022, at tomlehrersongs.com. “Mike Z.” made it easy to mirror this site on their github page, so I did just that. My mirror is at https://tomlehrer.tgeller.com. Enjoy!
(My family has some connection to Mr. Lehrer, by the way: My parents were students in the Boston area when he was first making a splash. I believe they got to see him perform during this time, and I grew up with his albums playing during dinner.)
I was honoured to be part of the second Purple Clouds, a furry music festival at a swinger campground in Hude, Germany. In a very real way this was my debut; I want to talk about what it meant to me.
First, the details. My main gig there was accompanying DJ WORLDWIDEWOLF on trombone and voice as he spun liquid drum ‘n’ bass. We’d done this fairly spontaneously at Aural Alliance in 2024; this time, I was on the bill. He even came all the way from Braunschweig (DE) to my place in Rotterdam (NL) to rehearse!
I’ve always been something of a musical loner. Honestly, I hoped I’d become one of those solo artists known for forging their own path. But in truth all those maverick types collaborated. Those I admire most — Björk and Bobby McFerrin, for example — are actually the most collaborative. I also realised that I love spontaneously playing along with recordings — or, better, live musicians. (My theory background really helps here: Once I pick up the chord changes it’s just a matter of listening and playing idiomatically.)
Photo by MiaTortiaa
But to find those collaborators, you first need to pique their interest by showing what you can do. I’d quietly tried a few streams on my Twitch channel but didn’t feel any of those performances held together; I didn’t want to be judged by them, so I hid them all. But playing live… that’s the stuff.
At Purple Clouds I played three times. First, an unannounced, off-the-cuff solo ambient set at the end of Friday’s program, at 3am. This was on trombone and my little Akai MPK Mini Play MK3, with lots of reverb throughout. This really caught everybody’s attention. Although nobody was in the stage/dance area, it could be heard throughout the 400-person camp, and some even came from their tents to see what was happening. I got lots of positive comments. (My favourite was from someone who said it sounded like they were in VRChat.) As far as I know there’s no recording of the whole thing, but here’s a snippet.
Video by DeJay
The second gig was at 1400 on Saturday, with WORLDWIDEWOLF. We make a good team! I have criticisms of my own performance but you know what? You can come to your own conclusions. Here’s the set. I’d love to hear what you thought of it in my Telegram chat.
WORLDWIDEWOLF x Jack Newhorse at Purple Clouds, 18 July 2026.
Finally was an impromptu party at Howlheim, a group of Germans with their own little tent community in the corner of the campground. I’d had my ear open for music I could play along with and when I heard traditional German “oom-pah” music (as it’s called in America), I knew I had to be a part of it. So I asked them if it would be O.K., got my trombone, and came back to play for an hour with their DJ. It was fun!
I could write quite a lot more about it and maybe I will later. (In short: well run, leaky tent, pretty sober crowd, lots of nudity and sex.) It was the right place for me, and I’m glad I went. Thanks to Keenora and ALL the Purple Clouds staff & volunteers for making it happen!
Hey, gang. It’s strange that I don’t know who you are, reading this. But you’re here, so you seem to know who I am. Anyway…
I’ve been making music for as long as I can remember. I took the classical path. We had a piano near the TV, so I’d play during commercials. My school district had a pretty good music program; I went to music camp in the summer and eventually to music college (“conservatory”) in Ohio.
Lately I’ve realised how much I benefitted from the musical platforms this upbringing gave me. There was always an orchestra, jazz band, choir to perform in. Then there weren’t; I swam into adulthood and did other things. I played for myself in spurts a few times a year. I gigged a little with bands — New Orleans, Balkan, jazz standards, etc.. Played in the orchestra for musicals, that kind of thing. It’s been fine.
But I never put together an “act”. I don’t know why. Maybe growing up with all those great platforms left me without the skills to build my own. Around 2024 I decided to start developing those skills. I bought a looper; I studied DAWs and such. The process made me recognise which parts I liked doing and was good at, and which I didn’t and wasn’t. As I learned more about modern styles and techniques, the more I wanted to get back on stage.
I got to play with DJ WORLDWIDEWOLF at the Aural Alliance Festival and thought it would be great to play with more DJs. Then I bought a DJ controller at an auction for €35, Arkifel suggested I learn Mixxx… and here we are.
I’d like to shout out to some of the other DJs and musicians who have gotten me to this point. First, all the DJs who showed how it’s done at Otterdance:
I’m Feeling Isolated Parody of Ramones “I Wanna Be Sedated”
2020 you can go fuck yourself oh, I’m feeling isolated Nothing to do, no where to go oh I’m feeling isolated Living at a distance, feeling really rough Virtual massages don’t do near enough Working in my undies, working in the buff Oh no oh oh oh oh
2020 you can go fuck yourself oh, I’m feeling isolated Nothing to do, no where to go oh I’m feeling isolated Sitting in the kitchen, don’t know what to do Nothing for me inside and nothing outside too Drink another coffee and make another poo Oh no oh oh oh oh
2020 you can go fuck yourself oh, I’m feeling isolated Nothing to do, no where to go oh I’m feeling isolated Nation full of dummies, sunburn on their tongues Crowding on the beaches, heads all up their bungs Can’t say that I’ll miss them when they’re coughing up their lungs Oh no oh oh oh oh
2020 you can go fuck yourself oh, I’m feeling isolated Nothing to do, no where to go oh I’m feeling isolated Time for introspection, don’t like what I see Thought I’d write a novel or smash the bourgeoisie Instead I sit around playing Final Fantasy Oh no oh oh oh oh
Ba ba baba, baba ba baba, I’m feeling isolated Ba ba baba, baba ba baba, I’m feeling isolated Ba ba baba, baba ba baba, I’m feeling isolated Ba ba baba, baba ba baba, I’m feeling isolated
The sun glides low above the harbor
of the Maritime Museum
Where boats and cranes bear testament to the past
I dream of the days of the harbortimes
Of the noise and the filth and the petty crimes
Een noodzakelijk overlast.
The wind blows cold over the sailors
with a whispered “Carpe diem”
The fading sun gives way to the evening star
They dream of success in the coming days
Of the hope of a chance of a loving gaze
Als zij lopen naar de Rotterdamse Bar.
CHORUS
Rotterdamse bar by the harbor
Rotterdamse bar in de wijk
You take in every hard-working person
The sweating, sad, exhausted and cursing
Whom everyday life will verbeter or worsen
We werken allen hard, geen gezeik
VERSE II
The boats and cranes are all silent now
by the Maritime Museum
Examined only by tourists and children in from school
For each there are a thousand more
That never made it to this shore
Vergeten en nu zonder levensdoel.
Each day I walk past the quiet
of that watery mausoleum
Off to work like those sailors now obsolete
I hope that some in a future time
Will remember me as an paradigm
Zal ik gekozen worden of niet?
CHORUS
Rotterdamse bar by the harbor
Rotterdamse bar in de wijk
You take in every hard-working person
The sweating, sad, exhausted and cursing
Whom everyday life will verbeter or worsen
We werken allen hard, geen gezeik
BRIDGE
Alledaagse mensen
In de hedendaagse tijd
Alledaagse zorgen
Eeuwigdurende, eeuwigdurende strijd
VERSE III
The ghosts glide low above the harbor
of the Maritime Museum
I know that mine will join them any day
I hope they’ll see me as I am
And will welcome me to Rotterdam’s
Meest mysterieuze maatschappij
The harbor will soon be transformed again
in an endless industream
To life as it is we must say an au revoir
Our names they will almost all forget
Every day the daily sun will set
Maar wij hebben toch de Rotterdamse Bar
CHORUS
Rotterdamse bar by the harbor
Rotterdamse bar in de wijk
You take in every hard-working person
The sweating, sad, exhausted and cursing
Whom everyday life will verbeter or worsen
We werken allen hard, geen gezeik
We werken allen hard, geen gezeik
We werken allen hard, geen gezeik
Written in response to a friend’s post on FetLife — and a lifelong fascination with how our lives are affected by our bodies and how they’re seen — I wrote this song. It might be the opener for a musical that’s brewing in my head.
LYRICS
VERSE I
From a thought in a head to a dot in an egg in your mother
Then it grows and divides as its code overrides ev’ry other
Chaos springs from that initial condition
Despite all of your prayin’ and wishin’
Maybe you’ll get a start with a hole in your heart (nonmetaphorical)
Or with bowels you distrust causing howls and your life is deplorable
Ev’ry part of your anatomy delivers
Ways to baffle all your future caregivers
CHORUS I
We all come from the same place
And that place is nothing and nowhere
Occupying a distinct space
From the insect to the giant polar bear
And the taste of your tongue
How you smell when you’re young
How your muscles are strung
And how well you are hungry
For knowledge and life
Whether you want a wife
Whether you handle strife
Or will fall on your knife
Your body says
Your body knows
And in the end
Your body will be
Back to nothing
VERSE II
And when you go outside are you true? Do you hide from the masses?
Do they stare or find fault? Do they care? Is it salt or molasses?
Do you garner attention remotest?
Or complete ev’ry journey unnoticed?
And when you raise your voice, meet their gaze, make a choice, do they hear you?
When you talk, do you boom? When you walk in a room do they fear you?
Embryology defines your limits
Then the world determines your place in it
CHORUS II
We all come from the same place
And that place is nothing and nowhere
Occupying a distinct space
From the insect to the giant polar bear
And the way that they treat you
Whenever they meet you
They might try to cheat you
Or maybe complete you
They surmise your mass
To determine your class
And the brass of your sass
From your presence, alas
Your body says
Your body shows
And in the end
Your body will be
Back to nothing
BRIDGE
Temporarily healthy
Temporarily thrive
Temporarily able
Temporarily alive
VERSE III (partial) & CLOSING
From a thought in your head maybe not, then you’re dead; well, not living Much as you will conclude, like this tune, pretty soon unforgiving To nothing Nothing Nothing Temporary life
There are those who say that the horse cock is the best That their cocks are the cockiest when you put them to the test But I’ve found genitalia that is better than the rest So just sit right down, I’ll tell you what it is.
It’s not the panda penis with its bony little bone The puppy dick is cute, but it can knot take the throne The kitty dick is scary with its spiky danger zone It’s not the duct I want to shoot the jizz.
My tastes are simpler, kinder, sweeter Hold me while I beat my meat-er Touch my butt and call me Dieter Give me just one thing:
It comes in three varieties, depending on the need, Three sweet configurations made to take your steaming seed The exporian’s my favorite, fills me with a lusty greed Though exporians can be a bitchy bunch.
With a groove that’s on the outside of a saucy, saucy whore, You can always see the juice that shot up in the heretofore From the entry point until the sexy, sexy ovipore It’s an open-bar buffet I want to munch
So let me stick my aedeagus In your microscopic puss-puss Turn this me-me into us-us Make the angels sing:
